Thursday, December 22, 2011

Admittadly Lazy

Around September I made the effort to be productive. I bought a planner - and actually wrote things in it! I planned out my day from the time I woke up until I went to bed. Chores, workouts, dinners and activities filled my book and made me feel so good. I was doing great at keeping up with all of my projects and at the end of each day I would check off everything I completed with pride.

I've been told that it takes 21 days for a habit to form. I did the above procedure for two months and all it took for me throw in the towel was a little foot injury. In November, I decided that I would have to take it easy on the workouts (trying to figure out if I've blown my Achilles Tendon) and in doing so everything else landed on the back burner, too. This entire process has been a recurring theme for the past 3-4 years. And it needs to STOP!!!!

Every week since "The Quit" I have been trying to jump start my motivation. I go work out. I write stuff down. I make plans. I can't seem to make it past Tuesday. I truly have been beating myself up about the entire thing. I have put on weight. My clothes don't fit right. And I just realized that I have what Richard Simmons calls "The Hello, Goodbye Arm" - when you wave hello, your underarm waves goodbye. AH!

I know that by most people's standards I am not overweight. But I just don't feel good about the way that I look. Couple that with feeling like I have accomplished nothing by the end of the day and I end up not wanting to get out of bed in the morning. I've just given up (not with life, on motivating myself) and decided to be lazy? I say that like a question because I still can't believe that that thought is in my head. Me? Really? Lazy? I HAVE NEVER BEEN LAZY!

What to do, what to do. I KNOW that I need to get this bus back on the road (even if the bus is a little bigger than I think it should be). But my mind is telling me that the task of being productive is daunting and that I might fail. So let the inner dialogue begin.

I have never been afraid to fail. One of my favorite quotes is, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work," by Thomas Edison. I know that failing is something organic and has to happen in order for you to feel accomplished and satisfied. Nothing ever happens (or rarely happens) on the first try. So WHY am I struggling with the inability to motivate myself so much? WHY is the thought of failing, again, such a deterrent? It has never been in the past.

January 1st, like for most people, will be my D-Day. My DECISION DAY. It will be my day to decide if I want to take myself - mind and body - seriously. I know that the next week is not a time to for me to start a huge life change (and that is exactly what this is going to have to be). I am going to take this last holiday as the Old Me. I'm going to enjoy myself - but keep in mind that I will pay for anything in excess (so maybe I'll enjoy myself just a little less :-P).

I have been following my friend, Jill Coleman, at jillfit.com since she started (even went to a fitness competition with her once). I read her blogs almost every day and have her amazing workout book (My Gym Trainer, 2 - My Trainer Fitness Pub(2009)) full of great workouts. She truly is my inspiration to get this party started. Jill has a awesome way of making fitness and a healthy lifestyle look attainable without being psychotic about it. She is great at describing her process to a healthy and productive life. There's nothing overwhelming about it, just honest. I like that. I need to do that. It will be a part of my D-Day plans for sure.

Though Jill is a great motivator, I know this time my true motivation will have to come from within. This ability to be productive, fit and functioning is based solely on the work I'm willing to put into it. I know that there will be times of weakness, but I can't let those moments trump (for all you Euchre players out there) the process. I will have to take the lessons I've learned from every way I've found that doesn't work (not failing) and adjust my route to success. I know this will be a tough road at first and must not get discouraged when things don't go the way I want. I must forge on.

Not being lazy is in my future. Being the person I want to be is within reach. I see the golden ring, I just need to get off my lazy ass and grab it!

10 days and counting.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

The Choice To Be Happy

This morning I was thinking about my grandpa. He was one of my favorite people in the world.....also the smartest, if I do say so myself. I even named WMD after him in hopes that he would, one day, embody the kind, gentle, and loving attributes of my grandpa.

He passed away a few days before Thanksgiving over three years ago and I have thought of him almost every day since. At the time, I remember thinking that from that day on Thanksgiving would be a sad holiday - keeping the memory of my grandpa alive meant I would always be mourning. But something happened after the funeral. FAMILY.

That Thanksgiving was the first time in many many years that the entire family was together. There are only four grandchildren on this side of my family and I regard my cousins more like brothers than relatives. Obviously we spent a lot of time talking about all the wonderful memories we had of Grandpa. Funny enough, most of those memories revolved around one particular topic - Euchre. Oh man, did Grandpa love to play cards. And oh man, did he love to tell you when you weren't playing the right way. I think all of the grandchildren regard themselves as Euchre aficionados because of the tutelage from Grandpa (otherwise known as the "Now, why did you do that?" lecture).

What could have turned into a gigantic sad event actually became one of my fondest memories with my family. Instead of grieving my Grandpa, we laughed. Especially when my 80-something-old Grandma discovered the tatoo I had had for over 10 years. Even my Uncles got a kick out of that.... We talked, played cards and ate - like every good Italian family. I think those few days went exactly as Grandpa would have wanted them - no muss, no fuss and a lot of love.

One of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies Under the Tuscan Sun, "Do you know the worst thing about a broken heart? It doesn't actually kill you." There is so much to learn when someone you love leaves you. Punishing yourself for things you wish you would have said only gets you on a path that leads to more sadness. And who would want anyone to live like that? Closure doesn't exist. (The only episode of Friends that I wish never aired was the one were they talk about closure - after that showed on TV that's all anyone ever wanted and it simply does not exist.)

If I were to die today, I wouldn't want anyone festering over an argument we had or a comment that was made. I would much rather die knowing that you remember the good times. Because, bottom line, that's all I try to do.

So as we enter the final stretch of this Christmas season, I can't help to think of anyone who has ever lost someone they loved. It is a hard time, for sure. Remember, the sounds in the air are always joyous if you listen with an open and loving heart. The choice to hear is up to you.

Have a great day everyone!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Do you remember when you were little and you were told to respect those who were older than you? Or did that only happen in my family? For as long as I remember, I was told by my parents that those who have lived longer (regardless of race, religion or creed) ALWAYS deserve your respect. I was never allowed to call my friends' parents by their first names, I was taught to always hold the door for whoever is behind me, and I could not get away with asking for something without saying 'please' and 'thank you'. I know at the time, I thought that my parents were tyrants, but as I am raising my own son I see the value in teaching your children the hierarchy of life.

WMD is 21 months old tomorrow. He says please, thank you, excuse me (though it sounds like 'ee me'), I'm sorry and have a nice day. And, for the most part, he knows when to use those phrases. He really likes excuse me....he says it all the time - to the dogs, the random people in his way at the gym, when he's trying to get around an inanimate object. WMD does not call many people by their first name (though, he doesn't really call anyone anything right now) and is, most often, introduced to new people with Mr. or Mrs. before their LAST name.

I met a lady at B&N the other day. Her three-year-old was playing with WMD around the Thomas the Train set. Her son was hoarding all of the toys and taking things away from my son. She did nothing. When I scolded WMD for not sharing, she looked at me and said "....they don't understand what sharing is at that age anyways." Holy crap, are you serious? I am the first to admit that WMD is NOT a good sharer. It is something we struggle with daily - especially since his new favorite word is 'mine'. But that doesn't stop me from trying - EVERY TIME!

So I guess the reason for this post is this - if you have a child and are not teaching them how to be respectful and courteous people, they WILL NOT BE respectful and courteous people. This is not something they will just pick up. Start early and practice often. I have no patience for children, teens, young adults (and especially people my own age) who are assholes. I'm getting to the point where I am not going to sugar coat it if I encounter them. So take this as your fair warning. I will correct your child, I will give you a dirty look if they are rude and I will point out what a bad parent you are - to EVERYONE.

                                                           Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, 1971

Time to jump down from my soap box. Tomorrow's hump day....time to buy some more wine!