Admittadly Lazy

Around September I made the effort to be productive. I bought a planner - and actually wrote things in it! I planned out my day from the time I woke up until I went to bed. Chores, workouts, dinners and activities filled my book and made me feel so good. I was doing great at keeping up with all of my projects and at the end of each day I would check off everything I completed with pride.

I've been told that it takes 21 days for a habit to form. I did the above procedure for two months and all it took for me throw in the towel was a little foot injury. In November, I decided that I would have to take it easy on the workouts (trying to figure out if I've blown my Achilles Tendon) and in doing so everything else landed on the back burner, too. This entire process has been a recurring theme for the past 3-4 years. And it needs to STOP!!!!

Every week since "The Quit" I have been trying to jump start my motivation. I go work out. I write stuff down. I make plans. I can't seem to make it past Tuesday. I truly have been beating myself up about the entire thing. I have put on weight. My clothes don't fit right. And I just realized that I have what Richard Simmons calls "The Hello, Goodbye Arm" - when you wave hello, your underarm waves goodbye. AH!

I know that by most people's standards I am not overweight. But I just don't feel good about the way that I look. Couple that with feeling like I have accomplished nothing by the end of the day and I end up not wanting to get out of bed in the morning. I've just given up (not with life, on motivating myself) and decided to be lazy? I say that like a question because I still can't believe that that thought is in my head. Me? Really? Lazy? I HAVE NEVER BEEN LAZY!

What to do, what to do. I KNOW that I need to get this bus back on the road (even if the bus is a little bigger than I think it should be). But my mind is telling me that the task of being productive is daunting and that I might fail. So let the inner dialogue begin.

I have never been afraid to fail. One of my favorite quotes is, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work," by Thomas Edison. I know that failing is something organic and has to happen in order for you to feel accomplished and satisfied. Nothing ever happens (or rarely happens) on the first try. So WHY am I struggling with the inability to motivate myself so much? WHY is the thought of failing, again, such a deterrent? It has never been in the past.

January 1st, like for most people, will be my D-Day. My DECISION DAY. It will be my day to decide if I want to take myself - mind and body - seriously. I know that the next week is not a time to for me to start a huge life change (and that is exactly what this is going to have to be). I am going to take this last holiday as the Old Me. I'm going to enjoy myself - but keep in mind that I will pay for anything in excess (so maybe I'll enjoy myself just a little less :-P).

I have been following my friend, Jill Coleman, at jillfit.com since she started (even went to a fitness competition with her once). I read her blogs almost every day and have her amazing workout book (My Gym Trainer, 2 - My Trainer Fitness Pub(2009)) full of great workouts. She truly is my inspiration to get this party started. Jill has a awesome way of making fitness and a healthy lifestyle look attainable without being psychotic about it. She is great at describing her process to a healthy and productive life. There's nothing overwhelming about it, just honest. I like that. I need to do that. It will be a part of my D-Day plans for sure.

Though Jill is a great motivator, I know this time my true motivation will have to come from within. This ability to be productive, fit and functioning is based solely on the work I'm willing to put into it. I know that there will be times of weakness, but I can't let those moments trump (for all you Euchre players out there) the process. I will have to take the lessons I've learned from every way I've found that doesn't work (not failing) and adjust my route to success. I know this will be a tough road at first and must not get discouraged when things don't go the way I want. I must forge on.

Not being lazy is in my future. Being the person I want to be is within reach. I see the golden ring, I just need to get off my lazy ass and grab it!

10 days and counting.